Weird
by AriTeir
Summary: Is what Artemis and Holly  kissing should be but isn't. A/H


Weird

_Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl_

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Kissing Holly Short felt good. Very good. So good that Artemis couldn't quite comprehend anything that went beyond the sensation of Holly's lips pressed against his.

He was absolutely certain they had been doing something before they began furiously swapping saliva, Holly had to have had a reason for coming to his homestead but for the life of him  
Artemis couldn't remember what it was.

The only thing he was really aware of was the feel of Holly's lips against his, the weight of her slight form resting comfortably in his lap propped against his chest and the way her tiny hands were threading through his hair.

Artemis felt that he really should be somewhat annoyed about the loss of his perfectly groomed appearance but he just couldn't bring himself to. Normally he felt contempt towards anything that caused him to look less than perfect, image mattered. He had conducted several experiments that proved people took him on average forty percent less seriously when he didn't dress to his usual impeccable standards. He had presented these findings to his mother in an easy to follow powerpoint that concluded with bullet points explaining why he _couldn't_ wear the jeans and 'Randomosity' T-shirt she had bought him. Angeline Fowl had absentmindedly congratulated her son on a very well put together presentation with excellent research before telling Myles that we didn't call our younger brothers 'Imbecilic morons that could validate Darwin's theory'.

But for some unfathomable reason Artemis was suddenly completely okay with his hair being ruffled.

In fact he was so okay with it he felt the only way he could express this incredible okayness, was that a word?...he didn't care, non verbally was to thread his own hands through Holly's hair.

Elven hair felt nothing like what Artemis thought it would. Of course the only reference he had for Fairy hair in general was Dwarf hair which was nothing like what Artemis was currently experiencing. Holly's hair felt like strands of eiderdown and silk. It was a complete contrast to how Artemis always imagined her hair would feel.

Hair!

That's what he and Holly had been talking about before they began searching for eachother's Tonsils. He had noticed her hair had grown out from a buzz cut and had been styled rather nicely into a short spiky bob and Holly had told him how she had been ambushed in the woman's locker room by Lili Frond who had informed her that _no _girl was going to apply to the recon if they thought they had to have such hideous hair. So for the sake of feminism she was going to sit down, shut up and take this like a woman.

Artemis was certain he had complemented her on her new hairstyle or something to that effect and then Holly Short had kissed him, again.

That was twice now. Next time, Artemis resolved, he would be the one kissing her.

If there was a next time. What was he saying? Of course there was going to be a next time he was enjoying this far too much to never experience it again. It _was _a challenge.

Holly gave the slightest moan as one of Artemis' hands brushed the tip of her ear which drew him fully back into the moment. He was immediately sorry he had ever left it.

And was even sorrier when the need to breathe caused Holly to pull her mouth away from his and end the kiss. Oxygen was not at all a fair trade off for Holly's lips it had to be said.

The deal however was sweetened by the sight of Holly Short brown cheeks tinged red gasping for breath in his lap.

They sat there at Artemis' desk, he in his computer chair, she in his lap, gasping for breath. Eventually Holly lifted her head away from his chest and with her face still no less red proclaimed

"Oh God I did it _again"_

Artemis wasn't entirely sure he liked the tone of her voice.

"Yes you did" He drawled casting a lazy glance over the elf who glared at him.

"How can you be so casual about this? I _kissed _you _again_!" Holly cried. Artemis chuckled noting that despite how upset she sounded Holly made no move to leave his lap, he then smiled his vampire smile.

"You can't tell me you didn't enjoy it" He said Holly flushed a shade deeper and punched his shoulder.

" That's not the point!" She insisted

"Then what pray tell is?"

"The point is it's supposed to be weird! I mean I'm old enough to be your grandmother!"

" Come now Captain you don't look a day over fifty and you know I always did suspect I would have a preference for older women, more experience, that sort of thing." This statement earned Artemis another punch to the shoulder. Briefly he wondered if all boys who managed to escape school yard beatings as children grew up to meet women who filled in the blanks for them, or was he a special case.

"I'm serious! This is supposed to be weird! You can't tell me you didn't think it would be!"

"Well no I admit I did think that perhaps your size would make things somewhat awkward, then there's the fact that we are from different species and I suppose your age did cross my mind but that doesn't change the fact that it _wasn't _weird"

"But it _should _have been!" Holly cried bringing up two tiny hands to run savagely through her hair.

"Did you want it to be?" Artemis asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yes! No...no I didn't want it to be not really, it's just your Elf kissing days were supposed to be over. And I wasn't supposed to want to start them again!"

"But you do and you did"

Holly sighed deeply in her chest and looked up at him her child like features a mask of misery.

"Artemis they can't go on; your Elf kissing days. Because they _shouldn't. _I mean just look at us! You're so _young. _In Fairy terms you're not even out of the cradle..."

"Yes but I am not a Fairy I am a Human and in Human terms I am a young adult. And if that is your argument then allow me to put things in perspective. If you were a human you would be an old lady but you are a Fairy and in Fairy terms you are a young adult. We are relatively the same age"

"But we won't be, not always, you'll become an old man in Human terms while I'll still be young in Fairy ones"

"Then perhaps we should do away with both Human and Fairy terms and have our own"

"Holly and Artemis Terms?" Holly asked a small smile playing across her cherubic lips. Artemis nodded.

"And in Holly and Artemis terms we are and will always be absolutely perfect"

"You know this all a bit much to pin on two kisses"

"Then perhaps we should pin it on a few more" Artemis suggested. He was just about to bring his lips to Holly's when hers touched his.

Dammit that was three times now.

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_STORY NOTES_

_Ages: I find the aging of fairies in the Artemis Fowl Series to be a little inconsistant. I mean fairies are said to be able to live for centuries yet in the Atlantis Complex Holly Short says she's getting old because her sparks have changed colour and she's only Eighty! Eighty should be a drop in the bucket for such long lived creatures. _

_Anyway I have to say that this story got a little away from me, I was originally intending for it to be a humor piece but somewhere along the line it trandformed into an almost drama...this is what happens when I don't keep a tight reign on my imagination._

_Anyway I hope you enjoyed this oneshot. If you wish tell me what you thought feel free I accept critism just please be constructive and polite. I apologuise for my poor spelling and punctuation. _

_Ari Out_


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